14 May 2013

A Pat on the Back

I struggle with something that I think most girls struggle with, which is I am way too critical of myself! My personality and absolute need to always be prepared and on time doesn't help, but I definitely find myself constantly feeling disappointed by certain outcomes. And, sometimes, they're even out of my control!

In my recent stint of self-love, I've thought of a few things that I love about myself or that I just absolutely love. Often times, these things are what I get most mad at myself about, but I should really learn to work with it. These "weaknesses" could easily become great strengths!

Firstly, I have the biggest sweet tooth and almost no will power! For someone who is pretty health-conscious, this part of who I am can be really frustrating! I know that, if I didn't eat that candy or cookie or cheesecake, I'd probably progress a lot faster in my diet goals. Being lighter will be easier on my joints, etc. But, you know what? I only have one life. If I want a cookie, I should eat it. In moderation, sweets aren't bad. For guys, it's super easy to get to my heart: always order dessert after dinner. Whenever a friend is breaking down and needs chocolate, I've always got some to share! I've gotten a lot better about moderation and control, but I've also gotten better at not being so hard on myself for indulging... daily. :o

I've never seen myself as graceful or "wonderful". On movies or tv shows, or even at school, there are always those girls who just posses this grace and inner strength. I am completely and utterly the opposite of these girls, and am the awkward one who always seems to have a hair out of place or a shoelace untied. I get so caught up in these girls, but they're so untouchable! They aren't approachable, and their friends aren't really their friends. I, on the other hand, have wonderful, caring friends! I have lots of guy friends and enjoy putting a smile on peoples's faces with my clumsiness. While I may not be full of grace and charm, I'm full of something... Not sure what, but I'll work with it!

Lastly, I've always been one to keep to myself. Whether it's my emotions or thoughts, I'm not very good at expressing them and I like my alone time. My mom always says that, when I was a kid, I'd be content with some crayons and a coloring book for hours! Sometimes I feel kinda dorky at how I like to be in bed early to read or always leave parties early to go to dinner with my family, but then I look at how in touch with my family I am and how much I've learned from reading books and being by myself. I am very independent and very much an individual. While it may seem lame now, my ability to work and grow alone will be a beneficial selling point when it comes to work.

I often feel like society is very much a "me, me, me" society, but looks down on the achievements of others. Those who like who they are a little too much are often looked at as stuck up. It's hard to balance humility with pride and not end up looking like a jerk. I've been searching for this balance as a way to love who I am and who God has made me to be. It's still a work in progress, and I expect it will continue to be. But, I do know one thing:

It starts with loving your little quirks.