I recently had a great conversation with the ever lovely LEM that left me thinking about time. And, more specifically, how I want to spend my time. We got to talking about life and eternity, and how the stress we endure here will be both eliminated and worthless once we've moved on from this Earth. So it'd be nice to say that time is only relative; it isn't worth thinking about. But I'm ultimately human. The time I spend on this Earth is precious... so if I wasn't worried about spending it correctly before, I am now!
Like most things in life, time is all about priorities. I've found that my priorities have been a little bit off lately. College has been a great time to transform myself into someone who I think is a good time and a good friend, but I'm cutting out some parts of my life that I lived for in high school. In an attempt to be more vulnerable in who I am, I'm being raw here. I'm opening up and admitting that my time isn't always spent in ways that make me proud.
My weekend aren't as productive as I'd like them to be. I spend too much time worrying about where I'll be spending Friday and Saturday night and not enough time making sure I'm using my Monday through Thursday nights to their full potential. I'm not making Church a priority in my life and a relationship with Christ has been pushed aside for relations with frat boys. It's hard to type, and it was hard to say out loud. While I'm loving the way things are going right now and I'm confident in my abilities, this had been in the back of my mind for a while and the conversation with LEM really brought it to the front and into the light.
Time is so precious and I don't want to look back and regret not using these years at school to my advantage. In just one semester I was able to grow and become so much more confident in who I am, so what are the next 5 years capable of? I don't know where I'll be or what my life will look like, but I know that if I get caught up in pushing away a part of me that puts the life into my days I might walk away from college without any spiritual growth.
Which is possibly the most tragic outcome I could think of.
But I do love life right now. I love my nights out, and I love my nights in. There's nothing wrong with the parts of my life that are currently present. But what's missing is the biggest part of it all, and that's something that I am consciously going to try to put more time into. And maybe, I'll be able to grow just as much- if not more- spiritually as I will academically and personally.