20 December 2013

Adverse Effects

I'm typically a very private person. And, when it comes to this blog I try to keep to a "subject matter" that is inspiring and useful to others. That subject matter typically does not include relationships or boys. Mostly because I hate when others use social media as a place to whine about their lack of attention from the object of their affection. But, sometimes I make exceptions. And this post will be one of them. Not because I feel the need to whine or boast about the guys in my life and certainly not because I'm looking for attention. In a weird twist of events, I've made observations about myself in regards to my recent relationship whatevers that may or may not be useful to others.

Here's what it boils down to: Every move I make has adverse effects.

Let me elaborate for a minute on this. If I actually have feelings for a guy, I try so hard to be sweet and thoughtful and everything that I can to make him like me. I make sure I'm available and would go to the ends of the earth for this guy. The adverse effect? Usually the guy thinks I'm too nice and I'm just a friend to him. If that's not frustrating enough, I do a really good job at pushing away the people that actually care about me. For instance, if a guy likes me but I just don't have the same feelings, I don't have any reason to impress. I'm sarcastic, sassy, and unavailable. For some reason, those guys are the ones that keep coming back. See? Adverse Effects.

 I don't know if it's a game the guys in my life like to play, but it's annoying! The over-thinker in me began to analyze my interactions (even more than usual) and I actually began to panic. What if my whole life I've been handling relationships and interactions the wrong way? It's very possible that I've spent my last 19 years pushing away the people that are supposed to be in my life while clinging to those that should be long gone. As I was thinking about this whole unfortunate idea, I came to a conclusion: if the way that I try to put people off makes them stay and the way I try to get people to stay makes them go away... then why wouldn't I switch the two? But the more I thought about that, the more I understood how disastrous that would be. 

Like most things in the life of a Libra, the key is balance. But this is a different kind of balance. It's not just a simple give a little- take a little. I've been working on being vulnerable, reliable, and more open to those around me. Making sure that I'm treating people the way I intend to (and in the ways I would want to be treated) is supremely important. And, I sometimes struggle with getting my point across... which is proven by the aforementioned adverse effects-

although now that I think about it, maybe it's just life playing jokes on me as per usual.