Adverse Effects

I'm typically a very private person. And, when it comes to this blog I try to keep to a "subject matter" that is inspiring and useful to others. That subject matter typically does not include relationships or boys. Mostly because I hate when others use social media as a place to whine about their lack of attention from the object of their affection. But, sometimes I make exceptions. And this post will be one of them. Not because I feel the need to whine or boast about the guys in my life and certainly not because I'm looking for attention. In a weird twist of events, I've made observations about myself in regards to my recent relationship whatevers that may or may not be useful to others.

Here's what it boils down to: Every move I make has adverse effects.

Let me elaborate for a minute on this. If I actually have feelings for a guy, I try so hard to be sweet and thoughtful and everything that I can to make him like me. I make sure I'm available and would go to the ends of the earth for this guy. The adverse effect? Usually the guy thinks I'm too nice and I'm just a friend to him. If that's not frustrating enough, I do a really good job at pushing away the people that actually care about me. For instance, if a guy likes me but I just don't have the same feelings, I don't have any reason to impress. I'm sarcastic, sassy, and unavailable. For some reason, those guys are the ones that keep coming back. See? Adverse Effects.

 I don't know if it's a game the guys in my life like to play, but it's annoying! The over-thinker in me began to analyze my interactions (even more than usual) and I actually began to panic. What if my whole life I've been handling relationships and interactions the wrong way? It's very possible that I've spent my last 19 years pushing away the people that are supposed to be in my life while clinging to those that should be long gone. As I was thinking about this whole unfortunate idea, I came to a conclusion: if the way that I try to put people off makes them stay and the way I try to get people to stay makes them go away... then why wouldn't I switch the two? But the more I thought about that, the more I understood how disastrous that would be. 

Like most things in the life of a Libra, the key is balance. But this is a different kind of balance. It's not just a simple give a little- take a little. I've been working on being vulnerable, reliable, and more open to those around me. Making sure that I'm treating people the way I intend to (and in the ways I would want to be treated) is supremely important. And, I sometimes struggle with getting my point across... which is proven by the aforementioned adverse effects-

although now that I think about it, maybe it's just life playing jokes on me as per usual.

"Think Like a Guy"

I've been watching Sex and the City from Season 1 lately, and one of the first episodes was about the male mind and how they think about life. Obviously, from a SatC standpoint, it was about relationships and sex- how guys can go without being attached or emotional. But this is not only apparent in relationships. Guys carry themselves with a sort of dominance and attitude that, when correctly used to their advantage, can have them toeing the line between confidence and arrogance perfectly. This attitude is what is so attractive to employers- men can get a job done without getting so attached that it causes emotional stress (for the most part). So, I've been keeping an eye out for the ways males interact through both observations and my own relationships to delve deeper into this idea of "thinking like a man."

Relationships

So, college has been fun when it comes to the guys- there are so many and they're all pretty good-looking! It's a good change from the small selection I've lived with the past 8 or so years, and going to such a big university means that there's certainly a guy that has the same interests that I, and every other girl on campus, have. This semester has been a roller coaster of emotion, but if I've learned one thing from the guys I've gotten to know, it's to not let emotion get in the way of life. If they're interested in someone, they make a move (or wait for the girl to make a move), but nothing drastic happens quickly. Especially as freshmen, they're keeping their options open and are using their free time to their advantage. 

As a girl, this is a new idea. Maybe it's just me, but I get attached quickly. I guess it's because I'm "picky" so when I find something I like- I make a point to show interest and hope that it's reciprocated. I want stability and security. Guys don't want that. Freshman Guys certainly don't want that. They're in sports, clubs, pledging, trying to manage their time and unhealthy drinking habits. And, because of this, they go with the flow. No attachment right away, and not necessarily a lot of effort to show interest. And where does that get them? Usually in a very happy, simple place where they have exactly what they want out of life- whether that be a bunch of random hookups or a steady girl. 

how do I take this as a girl? Well, I go with the flow too.  

Don't get stressed, and don't "claim" something that isn't yours.

School Work

I'm fortunate to go to a school where, for the most part, studies are prioritized above almost anything else. My peers are all extremely intelligent- usually more-so than myself. From study groups, labs, group projects, etc., I've been able to experience male vs. female working patterns a bit. What have I found? Guys seem to take more opportunities to get work done. While girls have distractions ...ahem, Pinterest, Tumblr, online shopping... guys tend to sit down, do the work, get it out of the way, and then have fun. Of course, most of the guys I work with are in my same area of study and realize the importance of time-management and prioritizing. But, most of the guys I've worked with have a "work 9-5" mentality that allows them to study and get work done. If it isn't done at their mental cutoff point, it won't get finished They're going to get their free time, be that the gym, a sporting event, or a party. 

I think that women work differently. I have a mentality that if I work hard for 45 minutes, I deserve a break. And, while this might work well for serious studying, everyday assignments and projects might not need this. Just switching up the assignment might be better than a break, and isn't as likely to get me started on a 15 min...2 hour... Pinning binge. 

what do I take from this? Get it done. Just sit down and get it done.

Stress

This is where I think guys differ most from girls- in every aspect of life. It's female nature to get emotionally involved in life, honestly. Guys? Not so much. Summing up what I've said before, they go with the flow. They take life for what it is. They work hard, take the opportunity when it arises, and are usually satisfied with the result. The confidence they have in themselves may sometimes be a man's worst enemy, but here it gives them the ability to not stress. And, while stress is sometimes good, there is a point where we've just got to let it go. 

I've been working on this mentality, as I think that stress is 100% my worst enemy when it comes to test-taking. I've been working on recognizing that there's a point where I've grasped to concepts that I can and I just need to rock that part of the exam... and pray desperately that I'm good at guessing.

guys don't get emotionally involved in life... and that's probably why they're so laid back all the time.

This is certainly not the most reliable information, as my "research" has been quite simple. But, I've been keen to observe to my best ability to understand the male mind... something I should have given up on the moment the idea popped into my head. But, hey it's been fun! I think there's a lot that I can learn about guys and how they interact with others. On the other hand, there's certainly a few tips that they could take from girls. But, I'll keep dreaming on that one! Until then, repeat after me:

I will...

go with the flow

take the opportunities I am given

avoid getting overly emotional over life events that don't really matter