Dream Big? ... Or Realistically?

Is a mid-life crisis at 18 a real thing?

If so, I think I'm experiencing it. 

If you follow my Twitter, you probably had a feeling something like this would come up eventually. (and, if you don't follow my Twitter, what are you doing? @PurduePrep ) I've mentioned feeling lost, overwhelmed, and even changing my major. I know, I know. This is normal for students to re-think things about this time. Everyone changes their major. But that's not who I am. I'm known as the put-together one. The girl who has everything planned out and has a brilliant future set up.

But then good ole reality hit me. In the face.

I was sitting in biology lecture one day during London Fashion Week and spent more of that lecture following the events than my professor. Okay, so that might be normal for a teenage girl. But I was taking notes. Notes for a post. For this blog. I then realized that I write thoughts and ideas for the blog all over my class notes. I wake up early to watch the Today show and read the news. I don't go out of my way to work on things for Pharmacy. I don't get thrilled at the idea of job exploration or making connections or going to Pharmacy events. And that was the moment that my whole world flipped. 

Is Pharmacy really for me? I have a lot riding on this education. I'm the pride of my parents and family. Everyone is so proud and is on my side. They believe in my success and my goals... in Pharmacy. But I'm not sure it'll be that way if my major changes... majorly. This education offers me job security and benefits, I'm good at it, and it's certainly worth my parents' money. It's a realistic, boring profession that I fit into. But I don't feel that it fits for me. Of course, me being me, I've been researching and planning for my possible intended major. There's no way I would change if there was a chance that I wasn't sure- and I'm still not sure. But here's what I'm thinking

1. Job Market and Benefits vs.
fun, exciting, and risky
Pharmacy is obviously a very competitive, lucrative career path. It comes with a job market, benefits, and a growing number of responsibilities. In the 8 weeks I've been here, I've found it to be extremely time consuming and hard! All I do is study! And it's not that I have a problem with studying, but the subject matter isn't exactly my favorite thing. I'm very much the calm, collected person. But, for once, I want to do something fun! Taking risks and enjoying life is what we are on this Earth for. I'm not saying that I wouldn't be happy in Pharmacy, but I think that taking a risk for something that I find more engaging would be a greater fulfillment.

2. Do what I love or what I'm good at?
There's no doubt in my mind that I'm good at the subject matter required for Pharmacy. For some reason, chemistry and biology just clicks. But it isn't what I love. At first, I was embarrassed about having a blog, loving to write, and being interested in fashion. I used to hide my fashion magazines and only write posts in my room alone. I thought I was horrible at writing- in fact, I still think I am. I spend so much time pre-writing and planning for each post but I still think that they come out worse than expected. I feel as if I've improved, but I'm nowhere close to where I'd like to be. Regardless of that, I brought my blog into the light. I showed LEM and some girlfriends, and they've given me so many positive words of encouragement that I love. The consistent comment I've gotten is that I really seem passionate about the blog and the subjects I write about- which is 100% true! While I know I have room for improvement, writing and "reporting" is something that I love. So I give that up for something I'm good at?

3. Money
It's all about the money. As much as I try not to be an extreme materialist, our world is very much a materialistic one. Money and income is important, as is making sure that purchases are valuable. I'm blessed enough to have a family who loves and supports me in my higher education and is willing to pay for it. That being said, I don't want to disappoint them after they give me so much. I don't want them to think that I'm wasting this fantastic gift or taking advantage of them. The more I think about it, the more I think about how much importance I put on pleasing them and making them proud. But, doing what they think I want to just turn around and wish I didn't have to do it is worse than confronting the problem now.

I may seem vague and unorganized at this point, but that's because I am. In every aspect of my life I feel like a mess- something completely foreign to me. It all comes down to these three subjects and some conversations with my parents and advisors. I really don't know where I'll be in a year or even in a month. But, whatever life brings me, I want to be prepared and informed. Who knows what I'll pick, but just for the record...

I'm leaning towards my dream.

21 Before 21

I've been inspired by Mackenzie's "1001 in 1001" and Carly's "25 before 25" lists.

Enough for me to make my own list of 21 things I want to do or see before I turn 21. Yes, I do realize that it's only two years. And yes, I understand that most of my life will be spent in school, working, or internships. That being said, I think having a deadline and a few major things to do will be really fun to do and see how it works out. 

So, before I turn 21 I'd like to...

1. attend the Kentucky Derby

2. Go on a vacation where I unplug and just read books on the beach

3. Attend the Macy's Day Parade in New York City

4. Run a Half Marathon... and maybe a Full?

5. Go on a legitimate blind date set up by a friend

6. Watch all 8 Harry Potter films in a 36 hour time span

7. Spend a ridiculous amount of money on concert tickets 

8. Give a 100% tip on a bill of $50 or more

9. Go to the CMA festival

10. Move in with some of my best friends

11. Learn how to accessorize with jewelry

12. Buy random gifts and give them out to the homeless on the street

13. Find an international pen pal

14. Take a class that I don't really need, but just want to take

15. Go a month without sweets (Sept 10 - Oct 10, 2013)

16. Pick a campaign, cause, event and dive into it whole-heartedly

17. Unplug in daily life (as much as possible) for two weeks

18. Go on a road trip with my best friend(s)

19. Spend a weekend with my Grandparents doing whatever they want to do

20. Apply for a study abroad program or to an international school

21. Become conversational in a foreign language (Francais?)

As you can tell, none of these items tempt fate or have me simply thinking wishfully. These are all things that I can and will accomplish by the time I turn 21. Why 21? Well I think that it's a good time frame for me to enjoy my youth and have fun. While I'm technically an adult, you're not really and adult until you're 21. So I'm taking these years of having some independence but still a kid to go and have fun. I'm also a planner, and I think that having a time frame and a bunch of random things to do is such a fun thing for someone who plans and works without much free time. In a way it's "forced fun", but it's necessary.

Because, let's face it
Life isn't life if you aren't living.

25 Random Facts

One of my most watched YouTube subscriptions, Sarah belle, recently did a 50 random facts video.

I thought that it seemed kinda fun, but since I don't do videos...

here we go!

and I shortened it to only 25 facts because I'm not that interesting.......

1. I was born and raised in the suburbs

2. My Meyers Briggs Type is ISTJ

3. I tend to gravitate towards Navy and hot pinks when I shop

4. I hardly ever wear eyeshadow

5. I have a HUGE sweet-tooth and my biggest weakness is ice cream :)

6. I love to read

7. If I could live any other life, it'd be the life of Blair Waldorf

8. I have always loved dogs and got my dog for my 10th birthday (and we share a birthday- October 11)

9. I've never been a hug fan of jewelry, but I love my Marc Jacobs watch

10. The last time I got stung, it was 4 wasps at the same time. They got tangled in my hair while I was laying out- I will never lay out with my hair down again.

11. I love sweet tea, but I have to limit my intake......

12. I was in a building that got hit by a tornado, but I still love storms!

13. Sometimes I'll spend money like it grows on trees but other times I've got to really think about spending any money

14. My last relationship was 3 years ago. I've been very single since then.

15. I love my parents and family

16. I am one of 10+ family members who went to Purdue

17. I don't really believe in luck, but I do believe in destiny

18. I am very very organized with all aspects of my life

19. My strictest budget is for Starbucks.....

20. I'd much rather speak in person than texting or on the phone

21. I love running and working out, especially at night

22. If I could buy only bags the rest of my life, I probably would

23. I really love Italian food- like a lot.

24. I love to travel and hope to make it to every continent before I'm 30

25. I use a seasoning called "Slap Yo Momma" on just about all of my food

On a Budget

One of the hardest goals I've set for myself is to budget my spending.

I never used to be a big spender. In fact, I was always one to save and save and save until I could buy something really cool! But, then I got a job, a steady flow of money, and discovered the world of online shopping. Enter, my shopping addiction.

My first goal was to begin saving 10% of any amount of money that goes into my bank account. Not a hard goal. Actually, I've been saving more than 10% on average and have allotted this saving to future indulgences... in college. Hey! A stressed girl needs some retail therapy.

I got this app, Mint, which has been so eye opening! It makes pie charts of all categories of spending, allows you to set budgets, and really helps plan for the future! As nerdy as it sounds, It's kinda fun to play the "game" and watch my savings go up while my spending goes down. It's kindof horrible with summer collections coming out... but the waiting and saving and thinking about my purchases has saved me a ton of money. And, I'm happy that I can save money now so that I can "live large" later!

But seriously, this goal hasn't been easy at all. I want so badly to buy some new Jack Rogers or Lillys. The thing is, I can! I just have to wait, budget, and enjoy at a slightly later date. The dresses will still be there in two weeks, and it'll be much warmer so that I can wear them then, too.

While saving and budgeting may seem like something for a 30 year old to do, 

good habits lead to a good future :)

What's in a Word: Prep

Today, I came under fire in my Sociology class. Okay, maybe not "under fire", but our debate got a little heated. We've been talking about social groups and classifications and had to share aloud a group that we have observed on campus. Just my luck, the first group named was the Preps. While I don't necessarily group myself with the Preps at my school (who are only classified as preps because they are popular), I wanted to argue the idea that there are ANY groups of true Preps at my school. I needed to defend the label!

Before I go any further, let me clarify the area that I live in. It's not exactly lower-class, but no Gossip Girl upper East side, either. It's a suburb out of a nice city, but it's kind of an awkward area: farms mixed with city doesn't mix well. The groups mentioned today included the trashy kids, skaters, rednecks, and farmers. And with that, I'll replay today's in-class debate.

While Prep is another word for popular here, I know the true definition. Most people didn't even realize that Prep came from privileged, East Coast prep school students. Ridiculous? I'd say so. They went on to say that Preps are stuck up and rude. The truth is, true Preps are not stuck up; true Preps live a lifestyle not easily related to. Vacations to Martha's Vineyard and the Hamptons, large endowments, and old money are all custom to the classic, WASP Preps.

Then, there are the new Preps: The Southern Preps. They live in lavish homes on the beach with palm trees shading their beautiful pools. Lilly Pulitzer everything decorates their homes and bodies as they sun themselves on the beach. Once again, their lifestyle is quite challenging to relate to.

Regardless of the Prep lifestyle, I feel that it is a widely misused label. Those who are Preps where I live would be a disgrace to a real Prep. What's in the word Prep? It's money, power, and class. While I can hardly classify myself as a real Prep, I am a prep for where I live. While it may have been meant in a derogatory term, I enjoyed arguing the label today and will forever wear my plaid and Lilly proudly!

What'd you do today that strengthened who you are?