Jung Typology: INTJ

I can't tell you how often I've been relying on this simple test these past few months...

My first encounter with the Jung Typology/ Meyers Briggs test was freshman year of high school. Then, I took the test to get my grade in the class and didn't give it a second thought (I'm not kidding- I couldn't tell you what my 4-letter type was then). My next experience was with a career evaluation, where I scored an ISTJ and was matched with Pharmacy... woo! I've taken it twice since then- once a year these past two years- and have scored either an INTJ or ISTJ. But, most recently I was given the "N" in that fluctuating third category.

What does this mean? Well, I've found that it can really mean whatever you make it. Just like a relationship or a volunteer job or a paper, you get out what you put in. And, while I've relied heavily on this test- it did determine my career path- I don't think that it has to determine how a person interacts or behaves in a given setting. Sure, these types of things are important when learning how to work and cooperate with others, especially when the different types can cause interactions to vary so greatly. And that is a fantastic bit of knowledge to have.

On looking into this personality typing, I was able to understand what makes me, me.

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I always wondered why I didn't have as many friends or why I spent many nights at home with a friend or two. Why didn't I stress the little stuff like so many of my friends? And why do I care so much about my future- more so than anyone else that I know? Well, look no further than the test! It explained why I was so different- and, fun fact, INTJ is the rarest type! Not only was it an explanation, but I've recently been able to apply it to my life and understand how to work with others and make myself seem, well, less lame. 

I've embraced who I've been made to be- my introversion is great for studying! My focus on the big picture is such a stress relief when it comes to exams, and the fact that I like to plan and be in-control has saved me this semester when it comes to time-management and organization. But I learned that I need to be more proactive in meeting people. I need to put myself out there, be vulnerable, and be willing to be out of my comfort zone so that others might stay in theirs. 

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I may have the most socially awkward personality type, but I'm also the rarest! 

so that means I'm special, right? ;)

But, looking into this, I also came to the realization that this personality type does not have to define me. Yes, it's true that I value my time alone and I am an absolute freak when it comes to having a schedule. But I have times where I just can't not go out. There are times where I worry about every single little detail (ahem.. when I'm getting dressed), and sometimes I forget the logic and do something crazy! And even though that makes me seriously uncomfortable, I've grown so much from putting myself out there. 

And even though my career has been decided based on this test, that doesn't mean that what I do with it necessarily has to be. Because, in the end, we determine how the world sees us-

whether that's where we're most comfortable, 

or most uncomfortable 

Dream Big? ... Or Realistically?

Is a mid-life crisis at 18 a real thing?

If so, I think I'm experiencing it. 

If you follow my Twitter, you probably had a feeling something like this would come up eventually. (and, if you don't follow my Twitter, what are you doing? @PurduePrep ) I've mentioned feeling lost, overwhelmed, and even changing my major. I know, I know. This is normal for students to re-think things about this time. Everyone changes their major. But that's not who I am. I'm known as the put-together one. The girl who has everything planned out and has a brilliant future set up.

But then good ole reality hit me. In the face.

I was sitting in biology lecture one day during London Fashion Week and spent more of that lecture following the events than my professor. Okay, so that might be normal for a teenage girl. But I was taking notes. Notes for a post. For this blog. I then realized that I write thoughts and ideas for the blog all over my class notes. I wake up early to watch the Today show and read the news. I don't go out of my way to work on things for Pharmacy. I don't get thrilled at the idea of job exploration or making connections or going to Pharmacy events. And that was the moment that my whole world flipped. 

Is Pharmacy really for me? I have a lot riding on this education. I'm the pride of my parents and family. Everyone is so proud and is on my side. They believe in my success and my goals... in Pharmacy. But I'm not sure it'll be that way if my major changes... majorly. This education offers me job security and benefits, I'm good at it, and it's certainly worth my parents' money. It's a realistic, boring profession that I fit into. But I don't feel that it fits for me. Of course, me being me, I've been researching and planning for my possible intended major. There's no way I would change if there was a chance that I wasn't sure- and I'm still not sure. But here's what I'm thinking

1. Job Market and Benefits vs.
fun, exciting, and risky
Pharmacy is obviously a very competitive, lucrative career path. It comes with a job market, benefits, and a growing number of responsibilities. In the 8 weeks I've been here, I've found it to be extremely time consuming and hard! All I do is study! And it's not that I have a problem with studying, but the subject matter isn't exactly my favorite thing. I'm very much the calm, collected person. But, for once, I want to do something fun! Taking risks and enjoying life is what we are on this Earth for. I'm not saying that I wouldn't be happy in Pharmacy, but I think that taking a risk for something that I find more engaging would be a greater fulfillment.

2. Do what I love or what I'm good at?
There's no doubt in my mind that I'm good at the subject matter required for Pharmacy. For some reason, chemistry and biology just clicks. But it isn't what I love. At first, I was embarrassed about having a blog, loving to write, and being interested in fashion. I used to hide my fashion magazines and only write posts in my room alone. I thought I was horrible at writing- in fact, I still think I am. I spend so much time pre-writing and planning for each post but I still think that they come out worse than expected. I feel as if I've improved, but I'm nowhere close to where I'd like to be. Regardless of that, I brought my blog into the light. I showed LEM and some girlfriends, and they've given me so many positive words of encouragement that I love. The consistent comment I've gotten is that I really seem passionate about the blog and the subjects I write about- which is 100% true! While I know I have room for improvement, writing and "reporting" is something that I love. So I give that up for something I'm good at?

3. Money
It's all about the money. As much as I try not to be an extreme materialist, our world is very much a materialistic one. Money and income is important, as is making sure that purchases are valuable. I'm blessed enough to have a family who loves and supports me in my higher education and is willing to pay for it. That being said, I don't want to disappoint them after they give me so much. I don't want them to think that I'm wasting this fantastic gift or taking advantage of them. The more I think about it, the more I think about how much importance I put on pleasing them and making them proud. But, doing what they think I want to just turn around and wish I didn't have to do it is worse than confronting the problem now.

I may seem vague and unorganized at this point, but that's because I am. In every aspect of my life I feel like a mess- something completely foreign to me. It all comes down to these three subjects and some conversations with my parents and advisors. I really don't know where I'll be in a year or even in a month. But, whatever life brings me, I want to be prepared and informed. Who knows what I'll pick, but just for the record...

I'm leaning towards my dream.

Recap

It's remarkable to me that I graduated one week ago today! 

This week has been so great. It's been spent with friends and family.. and my coworkers. If my summer continues like this, it's going to be a great one! But, I'm also getting excited for my future! Internships both close to home and far away, possibly an out-of-state education, and so much more has me so excited for these next 6 years of my life! I've grown up so fortunate and I hope that I'll continue to be as blessed in the future.

But, enough of this talk of the future! I'm ready to live in the here and now. The summer sun is shining,

and that's where you'll find me! 

Sacrifices and Scapegoats

The last thing I expected to get from a Gossip Girl episode was deep thoughts about life and relationships. It's the episode where Dan reveals to everyone that the book he wrote was not only by him, but about them. The reactions depicted in the show were very real and I'm sure that I'd react similarly to that kind of news. The thing is, he used his creative license to take reality and change it. Dan wrote about the world he lived in, but he emphasized the bad. 

He took a very realistic view of the Upper East Side world.

Obviously, he wrote as he needed to and he took a hit from the exaggerations in his writing. His friends felt betrayed and his father felt as if he were a waste. Blair's engagement was almost ruined and Nate took offense to the fact that he didn't even get a full character in the book. On the surface, this whole episode is full of tense moments and irony. Taking a deeper look, though, I think we can all learn from Dan's experience.

The thing is, there are going to be times in our lives where we're going to have to act as a scapegoat. We are going to have to put ourselves out there to be slaughtered in order to advance who we are. Whether artistically or academically, these moments will show us who are true friends are. They're the ones who will understand that their embarrassment or failure (for lack of better words) in the eyes of someone else is what allows for others to progress. This fact is deep and terrifying, but oh so true.

Just think, even Jesus acted as a scapegoat. He had to be shamed and embarrassed for the continuation of mankind. His sacrifice led to bigger things in the scheme of the world. In the case of Gossip Girl, the superficial Upper East Siders had to be sacrificed for Dan. In the big picture, who they are portrayed as in an artistic book that only a select audience will read, it doesn't really matter. And, that's something I'll have to remember when I'm put in either position: the scapegoat or the killer.

Growing up and advancing in a career or school is something that any person striving for success will have to do. To be on top, someone's got to be taken down. I'm not saying that I'll take personal attacks on people like Dan did, but there will be advances made. American society thrives off of competition and there's no way around it. So, when you are in this situation just remember to think it through. Is the tearing down of one person going to matter in the big scheme of life? Can this be a commensalistic relationship, where one person benefits and the other really doesn't suffer much at all?

I can't tell you how I'll react.

But I pray that it is with grace and poise.