13 November 2014

Let's Talk "Perfect"


This is something I have and probably always will struggle with-
the notion of perfection. Or, mainly, that others think I'm perfect. 

Let's make one thing clear: 
there is absolutely nothing about me that is perfect.
I think it stems from the fact that my family has been blessed beyond measure. As a 20 year old, I've had opportunities that many people only dream about doing, and I try to reflect on that daily. I come from an academically gifted family, so that makes me well-traveled, morally intact and smart, which is probably the holy-grail of "perfection". And then, to add on top of that I'm a "normal" size (whatever that means) when it comes to clothing. From my years of observation, that's what's gotten me to be perceived the way I am. Those factors are what make me "perfect" to my friends and acquaintances, and it's something that needs to be addressed. 

The label has been with me since high school, and I've been able to alleviate it some since I came to Purdue. But it still hold true in some regards, and I hate that I'm seen that way. It puts me in this awkward position- I want to open my heart and build relationships with people, but too often I'm hindered by their feelings that I'm "too good" or "so put together". Which I'm not. It's just not true.

I need to address one thing first:  that I make mistakes. I straddle the line between two worlds on a daily basis. I have thoughts flying around my head at a million miles a minute. I read Vogue between taking Organic Chemistry practice exams. I study for tests while on the elliptical. I wake up two hours early for class so that I can take my time getting ready and make myself presentable. And, I take time to prioritize my well-being over school when needed- do my nails or participate in student organizations. But it isn't easy.

What people see as "perfect" on the outside takes a lot of determination and work. I couldn't do it without the support of my family and friends, who always have my back. There are so many things I wish I could say but just can't see to find the words that work, but what I want to end with is this:

Not a single person is perfect, and I know that. I try not to use the "p word" when describing people, because it adds pressure and stress- which that person is probably already under.