White Noise

My sister is starting to have an influence on me.

She and I have pretty much been opposites her whole life. It's always driven me absolutely crazy how she will turn on the tv or youtube but not watch it. She'd sit on her phone or computer. I'd always think "what's the point? it's just noise"

Then I realized something- her noise may be physical, while mine is mental.

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Okay, no I'm not crazy. I'm an over-thinker. 

My sister is a do-er and I'm a thinker. I let my thoughts and ambitions bounce around in my head until it becomes too much and I just forget it. I let my fears consume me. I let my plans develop to the point that they're so much that I don't carry them out. I let my inner white noise distract me from living my life.

This is kind of depressing, but I'm glad that I figured this out now... before I let my college years get away from me. I've got to think less, write more, and never turn down an opportunity just because it isn't quite "planned out". I've been worried about college because of this aspect of my nature, but it's something that I've come to terms with.

My apprehension to going out and my over-thinking may keep me out of bad decisions. It may help me make sure I study enough. It'll help remind me of my goals for my time at college, just hopefully not at the expense of my level of fun while there. 

This is something different for me, but I'm going to try to learn from my sister. She's been trained to tune out the white noise when she's focused on something else. I need to tune out the white noise when it's simply fear.No fun stories come from a life controlled by fear; a life lived in safety.

The excitement happens the moment you throw safety out the window

Inconsistency

This past weekend I had a chick-flick night with my momma. 

You guessed it- Nicolas Sparks made an appearance in the form of his newest movie Safe Haven. While it was a cute movie with a cute story, I left the viewing a bit confused and frustrated; not only did the movie end with a curve ball completely out of left field, but, looking back on the movie, it was inconsistent and illogical.

That's when it hit me: Inconsistency is my biggest pet peeve!

I'm not saying inconsistency in the way of leaving for work at 7:15 instead of 7:10 or something silly like that (although I am guilty of planning my life down to the minute) but inconsistency in literature or show is so frustrating! I can't be the only one- you know, when something just doesn't seem logically to fit together or wouldn't fit together in real life. 

I find that modern literature really does this a lot. Creative license is used too liberally as an excuse to change something up halfway through a novel and blame it on some ridiculous reason. It's really hard to explain what I mean, but I guess this frustration is the reason I really like just good ole' classic literature and authors. More than anything, the lack of effort put into art is shown in the inconsistency. 

Then I get to thinking about my life and the excuses I make. The inconsistencies in my life. If I were consistent with the people who I said I wanted to spend time with, I'd be much busier than I am. If I were consistent in making the amount of money that I say I want to make, I'd never leave work and never have a day off! Thinking about my frustrations with modern art just reflects the frustrations I have with myself: I'm an inconsistent mess. And, as crazy as it sounds, I think it's my obsessive planning and freaking out about all things that don't fit into my "plan" that leads to me living this mix on consistent and inconsistent life. Where my daily life is the same, but I'm constantly contradicting what I really want to do for fear of getting out of my routine.

A problem, I know. But hopefully summer won't be as regimented and I can be with the people I want to be with and do the things I want to do... 

maybe I'll even get a bit spontaneous!

p.s. I did love this song from the movie.