I'm certainly the type of person who likes to have music playing while I work.
If I don't have to read or really concentrate, I usually have Pandora open. But, then I use up all of my skips and I get frustrated, so I've started writing down the songs I really like that come on. I then make my own playlist that is catered exactly to what I like to work to. These are the songs that I'm really loving right now, but my playlist continues to grow and develop.
... the irony in this is that I have unlimited skips for a playlist that is exactly what I want...
the temperatures have dropped and the warm layers have started adding up...
It feels like I'm wearing sweaters, boots, and scarves every day! Because of this, I've been drawn to outfit inspiration that makes for cute and warm combinations. One thing that I'm missing here at school is a coat.. I know, I'm crazy. I don't know how I somehow ended up without any sort of jacket- besides my Excursion Vest- but it happened.
Therefore, I'm serious when I say that I've really been layering and accessorizing for warmth.
I really don't need anything bulky right now, but something to put over my sweaters to block the wind and add that extra layer would be great! I love the quilted look of this Barbour Jacket.
I've realized how few pairs of "nice" jeans I have. I had one pair of fabulous Lucky Brand jeans, but they were getting worn and I conveniently ripped a hole in them. Even though I hate trying on jeans with a passion, I'd be willing to endure it if I left with a pair or two of jeans that flatter me in all the right places.
Fair Isle sweaters have been making their fair share of appearances on my Instagram and Tumblr timelines. This, of course, has me dying for one! I love the Madewell sweater, since I already have so much navy (and it's cheaper), but I had to throw in the classic Vineyard Vines, too.
I'm hoping to conquer the hunt for jeans over my winter break: after-Christmas sales and going back to work for a couple of weeks will put me in a perfect position to hunt and save! And, as hard as it is to say, I don't think I'm really needing another sweater at this point... but can you ever really have too many? I'd say, at the moment, those New Balance for J. Crew shoes are top on my list- I adore they way they're styled in the lookbook and have been making up outfits they'd work with in my head (...I wear a size 9 if anyone is feeling generous)...
as a redhead, I always get excited when I see a ginger model in a catalogue or ad
I guess it's because my strawberry-blonde hair sometimes makes me feel different. Not in a good or bad way, it's just that I stand out. In a world of brunettes and blondes, my freckles and red hair can really bring me attention. People tend to comment on my hair before anything else... some people even ask to touch it, as if it's going to feel different than their golden locks. And I'll never forget the outright stares that I got while traveling in the Middle East. In their defense, my rosy complexion, hair & freckles, and blue eyes are extremely foreign to their olive-skinned population.
But, I don't really let the fact that I look different bring me down. I find it funny now, and I enjoy the fact that my small outbursts of energy can be attributed to being a fiery redhead. And the fun part is that being part of this dying population connects me to other redhead girls out there. Recently I've loved seeing redhead girls in ads. J. Crew has a fabulous redhead model, and I love the Vineyard Vines model whose hair color is almost identical to mine! Seeing that rose-tinted skin and those freckles makes me proud to be different.
Everyone has a quirk or characteristic that helps them stand out. Mine is certainly my hair. I used to hate that it was so different, and sometimes I still think it's weird that people can be so intrigued by the fact that I have strawberry in my blonde. But I have grown to enjoy the fact that it is truly a part of who I am. It explains where I've come from and gives me a chance to automatically stand out- without saying a word.
going into college, I was looking forward to philanthropic and sisterhood aspects of greek life
Then life took me for a turn (little did I know it was the first of many). I went through the intense recruitment process of no sleep, lots of talking, and uncomfortable shoes. I talked about myself, my interests, and what I wanted out of this "sisterhood". But, when it came down to it, I just didn't feel a connection to any particular house or group of girls. Looking back, I think that I knew I wanted to drop early into the second round, but I just couldn't. So I stuck it out until the end.
It seemed like I'd heard so much about how so many of Fortune 500's top CEOs were greek. Or how most of the powerful women in America were greek. I was scared that I wouldn't be successful if I dropped. I worried that I'd lose jobs over not being greek. And, on a more short-term scale, I was terrified that I'd never find my niche here at Purdue if I didn't join a sorority.
But none of that matters if I don't have time to get my work done because of functions or if I really feel like I don't belong with these girls who are supposed to be my "sisters"
I made jokes with one of my friends about how I was a "social reject" and I enjoyed the fact that I didn't have to endure any more 12+ hour days of talking about myself. But inside I honestly felt a little bit lost. As anyone does when their path is stripped from their feet, I needed a chance to figure out where college was going to take me from there. So I did what any bibliophile does, and I picked up a book about the one and only Kate Middleton- she didn't go greek and now she's a princess. Surely it can't be that bad!
After this realization, I began to make a mental list of successful people- or people who I look up to- that didn't go greek:
Anna Wintour
Hermione Granger
Angela Ahrendts
and there are many more
Of course, I respect all of the girls who found their place and whole-heartedly threw themselves into the sorority world. Having so many good girlfriends to live with and experience life with is something that I sometimes envy. Looking back, I'm glad that I went through recruitment but I'm also happy with my decision to drop. I know that I would have been overwhelmed with school and functions. Plus, here in the Big 10 greek life isn't as...respectable as I'd like to think. I want to be defined by my successes and personality, not some letters. Being a part of a sorority might have given me leadership experience or chances to work with other people and philanthropies, but it's certainly not the only way.
Plus, throwing yourself into what you're passionate about is going to provide more success than a predetermined path that everyone else has followed. This semester has been such a learning and reflecting time for me, and the lack of direction is driving me crazy. But someday, hopefully I'll get back on track-
The lights. The late nights. Even the cold. I blame this all on the beautiful pictures that show up on my Instagram feeds daily. Add in my Today Show obsession, the fact that I'm watching SatC from season 1, and all of the awesome videos I've come across, and it's practically like New York is calling my name.
Earlier this week, my English TA informed us that our next project would be a documentary. I was worried because of my lack of expertise with film or anything like it. But, leave it to the internet and blogosphere to lead me to some of the coolest, shortest documentaries I've ever seen. Not only that, but of course they take place in New York City. Small Empires is a fantastic series that I've run across, but most of the videos take some planning, as they're around 20 minutes long. But then I came across the perfect, 3 minute video of a man making connections in NYC... and not how you'd expect.
These work this man is doing doesn't seem like a big, outrageous idea. He's simply taking pictures... but he's bringing people together, too. He's bringing warmth to the Concrete Jungle and making people think in a way that they normally wouldn't. It's a quick watch- only 3 minutes. But it's 3 minutes that makes you re-think your busy schedules and the people that you walk past every day. Or at least it did for me, since I seem to see a new face each time I step outside.
As someone who really loves the whole idea of NYC, the Borough bag/ collection by Coach is to die for (but I am well aware that reality is not idealistic). I love a good, structured bag that can work as an over-the-shoulder every-day bag as well as a sophisticated accessory. Unfortunately, the purchase of a bag like this isn't really practical for my life right now... A college girl doesn't really need a bag like this. And if I did, it'd get ruined from wear and tear.
But in my fantasy world as my own version of Blair Waldorf, aka Queen of NYC, I'd definitely rock this bag.
vulnerability is something that I really struggle with
I've known this for a while, but I never really knew. Only recently have I realized how much I close myself off; I have an image of who my "perfect self" would be, and I find it difficult to accept anything less than that. I had always blamed this on my personality or other factors, but it was time that I understand that this is something that could be fixed. My lack of vulnerability constantly weighed me down and I can't understand why it's taken me so long to buckle down and figure out how to fix this... tragic flaw.
Conveniently, three days after I had a little breakdown- in which I realized how little I allow myself to be truly vulnerable with, well, anyone- I found a TED Talk by Brene Brown and felt this connection with her. She spent almost 10 years of her life studying the difference between those who are vulnerable and those who are not. Of course, she found that those who take the plunge, who are open to being imperfect or wrong, and who embrace who they really are were happier. They were loved and they loved whole-heartedly. And from that vulnerable state, these people embraced every aspect of themselves to create in life rather than just live.
But the thought of being vulnerable is painful... Excruciating actually.
So I decided to look at what positives would come from being vulnerable, rather than the uncomfortable negatives. And I realized that when I let people see me (instead of pretending-to-be-perfect me) I was more genuine. People seem more interested in what I have to say and what's on my mind. And while I hate admitting my flaws... or bringing up my hobbies that I may be embarrassed about- like the fact that I'm a college kid but would rather spend a Friday night in with my friends and a chick flick than go out- I'm connecting with people who understand me and who appreciate me even with these quirks.
And, even though I still don't have the courage to go talk to the cute guy in my chemistry.. and bio.. and pharmacy lecture (same major, how about that?), I can definitely tell a change in my relationships already. Not only that, but there is a change in my mood. Instead of giving off this "I don't care because I don't have feelings" facade, I'm trying to notice and care about others in the way that I've been cared for. I've been able to go out of my way to check on friends. Simple words of encouragement and "thinking of you" texts are so simple, but were so not something I really thought about before.
Being vulnerable with others has helped me be vulnerable with myself, too. I've found that it's important to accept my flaws and understand why other people care for me. What is it that makes them want to spend time with me? What do they love about me, and how can I love that about myself, too? There is so much self-hate, and striving for some unreachable "perfect" person no-doubt adds to that.
"[We] are wired for struggle but worthy of love and acceptance"
The thought of being courageous (from the latin root, whole-hearted) instills in me fear. I've always been the reserved, bottle-it-up type of person. I'm never cold or harsh, it just isn't in my nature to be vulnerable and open up. Because, really, everyone has their own problems so who needs mine? Okay I'm joking. But this whole thing is weird, foreign, uncomfortable. But that doesn't mean that it isn't good or that it won't help me to embrace me.
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